The power dynamics between men and women have long been a topic of discussion. Over the past two decades, this has evolved into a struggle, with women increasingly demanding equality and fairness. After all, they contribute as much to the household as men do, if not more, especially when one considers the emotional and physical labor that often goes unnoticed.
Recently, I was chatting with a male friend, and this subject came up. I began to argue on behalf of women, pointing out how they often juggle many responsibilities—managing the home, caring for the children, tending to their husbands, and, in recent times, holding down full-time jobs. I posed a simple but honest question: “What exactly do men have to deal with, besides their jobs?”
To be clear, I’m speaking about the African context, which I’m familiar with. And let me clarify: I’m not a feminist in the stereotypical sense. However, I find it important to address these inequalities. So, back to my question. My friend’s response was quick: “Men have to worry about being leaders and providers.”
I paused for a moment and replied, “But women work too these days, so the burden of providing doesn’t rest solely on men anymore.” I also asked if he truly understood how much effort it takes to manage a family’s limited resources—planning, budgeting, and stretching every penny to meet endless needs, a thankless job that women have done for generations, even when they didn’t earn an income.
What, then, makes it acceptable for both a man and a woman to return home from work, yet one heads to the kitchen to prepare dinner and bathe the kids while the other relaxes in front of the TV, watching football and scrolling through their phone?
As a child, I often wondered why my father, after being served dinner, would sometimes refuse to eat simply because it wasn’t what he felt like. I watched as my mother, despite having worked all day—cooking, cleaning, and managing the household—would go back to the kitchen late at night to prepare something else just to please him. It baffled me, especially since he often hadn’t even decided what he wanted when she had asked earlier. And most times, he never said thank you.
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In many African homes during the ’80s and ’90s, this drama played out often, and sadly, it continues in some households today. Today, many women are not only responsible for the household but also contribute significantly to the family’s finances. Yet, they still return home to deal with children, meals, and needy husbands, while their male counterparts seem to shift from their professional roles to relaxation.
So, while TGIF signals a break from work for many men, for women, it marks the transition from one form of labor to another. My friend argued that women are “built” to handle these things, but can you imagine suggesting that someone was built for manual labor?
Many people argue that women are naturally nurturing, detail-oriented, and capable of multitasking. I’ve often wondered why these qualities aren’t valued as leadership traits. After all, aren’t these the same attributes that companies look for in a strong leader? If so, why is the woman still relegated to being the “neck” and not the “head”?
I have no problem with the metaphor of the neck, as long as the head it supports is one that recognizes the neck’s importance, acknowledges its contributions, and appreciates what makes it turn. However, an entitled head that tries to make the neck turn 360 degrees, without regard for its limitations, is a problem.
My friend and I eventually reached some agreements. First, that a lack of awareness has empowered entitled men, and sometimes, unappreciative women. Some women, in turn, may take for granted the men who actually step up. The second point is still up for debate: How do we do better?
There’s no rule that says household chores cannot be shared equally. It’s not always about the heavy lifting, but about showing up. Sometimes, just being there—offering moral support in the kitchen, for example—can be enough. And by support, I don’t mean eating everything she’s frying before it reaches the dining table!
What’s your take on this? Leave your comment below.
