The power dynamics between men and women have long been a topic of discussion. Over the past two decades, this has evolved into a struggle, with women increasingly demanding equality and fairness. After all, they contribute as much to the household as men do, if not more, especially when one considers the emotional and physical labor that often goes unnoticed.
Recently, I was chatting with a male friend, and this subject came up. I began to argue on behalf of women, pointing out how they often juggle many responsibilitiesโmanaging the home, caring for the children, tending to their husbands, and, in recent times, holding down full-time jobs. I posed a simple but honest question: “What exactly do men have to deal with, besides their jobs?”
To be clear, Iโm speaking about the African context, which Iโm familiar with. And let me clarify: Iโm not a feminist in the stereotypical sense. However, I find it important to address these inequalities. So, back to my question. My friendโs response was quick: “Men have to worry about being leaders and providers.”
I paused for a moment and replied, “But women work too these days, so the burden of providing doesnโt rest solely on men anymore.” I also asked if he truly understood how much effort it takes to manage a familyโs limited resourcesโplanning, budgeting, and stretching every penny to meet endless needs, a thankless job that women have done for generations, even when they didnโt earn an income.
What, then, makes it acceptable for both a man and a woman to return home from work, yet one heads to the kitchen to prepare dinner and bathe the kids while the other relaxes in front of the TV, watching football and scrolling through their phone?
As a child, I often wondered why my father, after being served dinner, would sometimes refuse to eat simply because it wasnโt what he felt like. I watched as my mother, despite having worked all dayโcooking, cleaning, and managing the householdโwould go back to the kitchen late at night to prepare something else just to please him. It baffled me, especially since he often hadnโt even decided what he wanted when she had asked earlier. And most times, he never said thank you.
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In many African homes during the ’80s and ’90s, this drama played out often, and sadly, it continues in some households today. Today, many women are not only responsible for the household but also contribute significantly to the familyโs finances. Yet, they still return home to deal with children, meals, and needy husbands, while their male counterparts seem to shift from their professional roles to relaxation.
So, while TGIF signals a break from work for many men, for women, it marks the transition from one form of labor to another. My friend argued that women are “built” to handle these things, but can you imagine suggesting that someone was built for manual labor?
Many people argue that women are naturally nurturing, detail-oriented, and capable of multitasking. Iโve often wondered why these qualities arenโt valued as leadership traits. After all, arenโt these the same attributes that companies look for in a strong leader? If so, why is the woman still relegated to being the “neck” and not the “head”?
I have no problem with the metaphor of the neck, as long as the head it supports is one that recognizes the neckโs importance, acknowledges its contributions, and appreciates what makes it turn. However, an entitled head that tries to make the neck turn 360 degrees, without regard for its limitations, is a problem.
My friend and I eventually reached some agreements. First, that a lack of awareness has empowered entitled men, and sometimes, unappreciative women. Some women, in turn, may take for granted the men who actually step up. The second point is still up for debate: How do we do better?
Thereโs no rule that says household chores cannot be shared equally. Itโs not always about the heavy lifting, but about showing up. Sometimes, just being thereโoffering moral support in the kitchen, for exampleโcan be enough. And by support, I donโt mean eating everything sheโs frying before it reaches the dining table!
What’s your take on this? Leave your comment below.
Author: Lijadu Ajoke
Executive Consultant | The MHM Magazine Ajoke is a seasoned journalist, a former BBC Africa reporter based in the UK with experience in journalism spanning over 10 years. She is a multi-award winning reporter. Her work has impacted lives through life changing human interest stories.
