Relationships are one the most important things in a persons life and can have extreme effects on our well being spiritually, psychologically, physically and financially and many other areas. there fore it is of great importance that we make sure that any relationship that we enter into, that is likely to result in marriage, is built on a good and solid foundation in order for it to succeed and to grow.
I am going to be very plain in this article, i will not be using complicated words or eloquence of speech, because i want it to be clear and understandable for all readers of all backgrounds, in order to provide an article that can be put into practice and be considered simply.
how can two walk together, unless they agree?
This article is in no way exhaustive or definitive, basically it is not an all there is to know on signs of a relationship that is likely to fail, but here are 7 points that came into my mind and are based on my past life experiences and also on relationships that i am currently observing. So, here are the 7 signs that i consider that can make or break a relationship.
Sign 1: Needing and expecting your partner to fulfill all your desires and insecurities
This is the result of not being self satisfied and self sufficient, maybe not even liking or loving yourself, this can be the result of childhood experiences which can be anything really, ranging from rejection, abuse, co-dependency etc. From this a person when becoming an adult, will seek to have these needs fulfilled by their partner, the problem is that the partner may have the same problem and it may be a disaster to start with, then again the two halves may be able to complete each other, with both parties happily and without burden being able to meet each others needs.
The main thing here is, that there is equality and balance between the two, not one having to fulfill the others needs when their own is not being fulfilled. This must be a mutual agreement from day one, with a clear understanding of each others needs by talking at length about each others past and then looking to how they can help one another and be what each person needs from the relationship. Ideally it would be better if both people were happy in their own selves, being self sufficient to live alone if needed and content.
You may ask why would a self-sufficient person who is happy and content wish to get into a relationship then? well for many reasons, but simply to share their lives with another, companionship and needs that a person cannot fulfill as a single man or woman.So the first sign is not to seek a person to meet your needs and desires unreasonably and especially if it is clear from the start, that they cannot do it, otherwise your relationship together will be a constant stress, frustration and one of unhappiness. This is my basic summarisation of the first sign.
if either of you are not committed to God, then trouble will arise and potentially bring the relationship to an abrupt end
Sign 2: Breaking up within days or weeks of getting together
If you are breaking up this fast and early, then it will not get better. It is understandable to maybe have difference of opinions etc, but actually breaking up after such a short time? then this is a sign that your relationship is likely to have repeated break ups in the future due to arguments and disagreements.
Sign 3: Not having specific goals and dreams in common, conflict of interest
The bible says “how can two walk together, unless they agree?” Amos 3 vs 3, if two people are heading in two different directions then obviously they cannot meet in the middle, they will only go further from each other, so it is unquestionable that for a relationship to work, both parties must be going on the same journey in life or have the same basic goals. Having goals such as whether to have any children, careers, ministry, where to live etc are essential, this does not mean that you cant have different interests and hobbies and like to do these alone at times, for example I am into making music, my wife likes knitting, i like video games, she likes documentaries that i find boring, but we can both do our own thing, without it being fundamental to our ultimate goals and dreams and ambitions.
What I am saying is that as long as your essential goal is shared between you, then hobbies and interests that are different do not matter, but it is nice to show an interest in each others hobbies etc. when I make my music, my wife will listen and help me if I need it, likewise I will show her I am interested in her knitted creations although I wouldn’t care to try to do it myself. The most important thing to be in agreement with is your faith and commitment to God in equal measure, if either of you are not committed to God, then trouble will arise and potentially bring the relationship to an abrupt end.
Sign 4: Not being over your ex (if you were previously married etc)
This is a big problem in relationships, and if you see signs early on of your partner not being over their ex, in the way they talk about them, get emotional when they are mentioned etc then it needs to be addressed.
We should not be on a “rebound” when we seek a new relationship, we should take time to heal and get ourselves independent from any feelings and hang ups or entanglements from our ex, we should not bring our ex into new relationships in the way of comparing them to our new partner or spending time with them in a friendly capacity, our ex is an ex for a reason, we should cut all possible ties with the exception of children being involved, we can limit our exposure to our ex and not spend unnecessary time with them. also our new partner must be understanding that any children involved will of necessity need to see both of their parents and not get insecure or jealous.
Next month I will conclude with the final three signs that we need to be aware of, I hope this article has been of help to those who are seeking new relationships and be a confirmation of a good one you may already be in.