Sign 5: Needing your partner to fulfill your every desire.
Often before we meet a person we wish to share our lives with, we have an “idea” what they “should” be like, whether it is looks, personality, interests, financial status and the list goes on, we have a check list of what I call “ wish fulfillment” on this “list” we have our dreams and desires of what our partner needs to fulfill and it is often unrealistic.
We may meet a person that “ticks” all the boxes at first, but circumstances may change financially, the person could lose their job through illness or his work going bust, they may have an accident and have their beauty marred, they may have a crisis that changes their mental state and health, anything can happen to make our “wish fulfillment” list suddenly have things crossed off and we are left unfulfilled in our relationship because of unrealistic expectations.
Many people want their partners to fulfil their lives by their actions and words and means and when they are not met, then frustrations enter in and alsocontempt, resulting in a break down of the marriage.Before we enter into a relationship, it is OK within reason to have an “idea” of what kind of person we want to be married to, but we need to leave space for unforeseen circumstances and be dependent on ourselves to satisfy our own needs to a certain degree and not expect our spouse to fulfill everything.
It is a terrible burden on a person to constantly try to please their wife or husband and not have the means to do so at times, it is unfair and will end the relationship at some point because of the sheer stress. Our partner will not fulfill our every desire, they are not some kind of genie, they are individuals who will meet our needs within their present capabilities and resources but that can change at anytime and we need to be realistic about it.
Here is an example, Peter is a wealthy, sporty and charismatic young man, his wife Sarah loves all these things and more about him and he often goes the extra mile to please Sarah and fulfill her wishes.
One day peter has a car crash, he is left scarred for life facially and left in a wheel chair, this results in him losing his job and having to live on disability benefit, his personality also changes from charismatic to depressed at his loss of quality of life. His wife now has to face several “unfulfilled” desires and wishes, his charismatic personality which attracted her to him, his looks, which she always took pride in when they were seen together and posing for photos, his ability to enjoy recreational sports together such as skiing and swimming on holidays and finally his financial situation which brings an end to their life of abundance and having no money worries.
It is a bleak picture indeed, within a moment of time their lives are shattered, the wedding vows come back into his wife’s mind “in sickness and in health, till death do we part” it is all too much for Sarah. Her relationship was based on “wish fulfillment” having a partner to meet her every need, Sarah should have took time before getting into a relationship to fulfill her own needs as much as possible, make herself financially secure, have a good self esteem, a stable mind in order to be independent and so on.
It is normal for us to seek a relationship that is fulfilling’ but on equal terms. there is not a human alive who can meet our every need, but yet people still look for the “genie” who will do so in the person of a husband or wife. Needing your partner to fulfill every desire is a sign that your relationship and indeed any will likely fail, because it is based on fantasy not reality because it is a mind set.
Decide today of you are seeking a relationship, to not have an attitude of wish fulfillment, if you are already in a relationship then change your thinking and realise that your wife or husband will not be able to fulfill your every wish and instead be happy with who they are and accept each other as mere mortals that will not fulfill our every wish.